You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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