Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my poor anus
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
