:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he puts the penis in happiness.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
