i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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