Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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