We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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