i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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