then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
