Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
