Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
