on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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