im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
