i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
