Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
