there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
