It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
