you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
