It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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