i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
