My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize