explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
