Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
