No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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