Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
