My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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