apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
