I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
