I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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