Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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