We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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