how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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