do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
