Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
