You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
