Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize