Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
