this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
