Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
