she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
