you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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