I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
