i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was like eating out sand paper
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
