using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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