I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
