He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
