Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Floor bacon is actually really good
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
