Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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