Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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