Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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