yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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