I wish they made helmets for livers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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