That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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