I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
