D3 body, D1 cock
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
