I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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