1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize