it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
