I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
