she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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