so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
