So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
