Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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