you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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