I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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