Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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