"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
