This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
