i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
