Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
