she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
