You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
